With this found footage opening I am really hoping this is a horror film. Sadly I don't think it is. Just people watching a shitty TV while they wait for the "Boss" to show up. Asian Mafia??
8:47
Why are you going to believe that that is a Yakuza attack dog? He just told you everything he said was going to be a joke. Someone suffers from short term memory loss I guess.
8:48
NOOOOO. He just killed that cute little dog by throwing it on the ground and then grabbing it by the leash and twirling it around his head. What a dick. I hope I'm not suppose to like this guy.
8:52
Plot update. I think Gozu is the main character dick dog killer. Anyway they are on their way to some meeting or mission him and afraid to pee man. On the way Gozu sneaks up on scaredy pisser and asks him about the crew. Gozu thinks they are falling apart and that the boss man needs to stop thinking with his dick. Then they continue on their way. Until he realizes they are being followed that is.
8:54
Oh no. It's a Yakuza car designed to kill Yakuza. Better go all crazy and throw the car around to make sure it's dead. This guy sure is paranoid.
8:55
Watch out camera crew. You're reflection made it in the shot. Gozu is about to kill the woman driver (typical woman driver) of the car but afraid to piss now being renamed to Matrix man stopped him in time.
8:58
How do you not see a river in front of you? Anyway while Matrix is driving he looks away for one second and almost drives his car straight into a river/lake/body of water. Instead he slams on the breaks and the already unconscious Gozu man hits his head and dies. Good thing he is at a dump/river. He can just get rid of the body. Also, I guess that guy wasn't Gozu. O well. Can this just turn into a Weekend at Bernies? They already have the sunglasses.
9:02
These subtitles really love their z's. I approve. Waz wrong with zome z's?
9:03
Matrix sits down at a diner to get some coffee and gets three waiters. It takes three waiters to get some coffee? Also we get that it was hot. You can stop talking now.
9:06
Something isn't sitting right with Matrix and while he goes to puke someone steals BERNIE! Noooo!! That or Bernie was really just sleeping and finally woke up.
9:08
Hmmm. This boss guy is with one of his lady friends having some adult fun with a ladle up his butt. While in the cafe Matrix sees Buddha man getting off behind the counter. I guess it's just that time of the day.
9:10
Man this Matrix guy is dumb. He is trying to meet up with his crew but the address he has is wrong. So where does he go to find the Asian Mafia? He asks the police. Not weird at all right?
9:13
This movie is odd. After blowing out his tire, Matrix stumbles upon a man sitting alone in a field reading a magazine. Oh yeah, half of his face is painted white. Apparently he was born that way. Not enough pigment.
9:17
They go to a junkyard to find a tire and while there he finds the crew he was looking for. He meets an old man who will help him if he answers a riddle in 30 seconds. Paint man decides to count down. No pressure or anything.
9:22
Paint man agrees to help him but at his pace. They decide or rather paint man decides to get a room and insists on holding his hand while getting that room. Does someone have a man crush? Matrix doesn't approve and rips his hand away. Good thing Giant Asian Norman Bates is there to show him to his room.
9:28
I feel like everyone is digging on this Matrix guy. Old Lady matron just barged in while he was washing and insists on getting his backside. No means No lady. She then shows off her hidden talent of still being able to lactate. Another gem that the roommates are missing out on. But the did get to see evil robocop battle Paul Rudd.
9:33
I think I know why everyone is into Matrix. HE'S CIRCUMCISED! "You're wiener looks just like Frankenstein"
9:35
Someone seems to be milking too much because it's dripping from the ceiling. DON'T DRINK THE MILK!
9:44
Matrix found out that Bates man is a medium. Perhaps that is the reason he keeps getting more than one serving from him. That or they want to fatten him up Hansel and Gretel style. He decides to try and use his talents to find out what happened to Bernie's body.
9:48
Apparently you summon spirits by whipping the shit out of your brother. And why is there a baby crying? I haven't seen a baby this whole movie.
9:52
Apparently Buddha man has been dead for three years but is still serving coffee. When paint man tells Matrix also named Minami a door opens to show Buddha taking a dump. I'm not sure what was more disturbing. Finding out he's dead or seeing him squatting over the toilet hole.
9:57
After following some clues about where the body might have wandered off to, he finds that the clues lead him back to the hotel he is staying at. When he tries to question the owner, she is too busy milking herself to answer right away. How does she even have that much milk in her?
10:07
Minami decides to sleep in the same room that Brother - Bernie was in the other night. During the night he gets spooked and thinks he hears something so he goes to investigate to find nothing. But when he returns he finds a man in his tightie whities with a cow head leaking milk all over the place. YUCK. Cow are so gross. Please stop licking his face. I am getting nauseous. Apparently so is he because he faints.
10:11
When he awakes he has a note that he thinks is from Brother that says to meet him at the dump. Turns out he was there but once again pulled a disappearing act. t
10:14
Well when they say disappear I guess they mean that they skinned him, made a flesh suit, and dumped all his innards in a tank. And now his spirit has been reincarnated into a woman sitting in the back of Minami's car. She proves it by talking about his circumcised penis again.
10:22
He's totally going to F*ck his brother... who's now a girl.
10:25
Is her vagina talking?
10:33
He takes her to meet the boss man and the boss really likes her. So he takes her back to his place and ladle in hand prepares to make the sex with her.
10:35
"I almost blasted off without you"
10:37
Minami won't let this happen to he interrupts their "date" by dangling outside the window. He gets in a fight with him and Boss losses his balance and falls onto his butt. Which still has the ladle. And I think he punctured something because he seems to be dead. But just to make sure, Minami electrocutes him. Better safe than sorry.
10:40
Can you just bang your brother so we can get this movie over with?
10:44
Success? Except for the whole Chinese finger trap thing if ya catch my drift.
10:47
Ummm... Why is there a hand coming out of her vagina? Someone should make an appointment with their lady doctor and get that checked out.
10:49
Huh. The real brother I think is being reborn. Literally. Man Minami is going to need some serious psychological help after this.
10:51
The man laughing at the end was probably the best part of the movie. In my opinion anyway.
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