Holy shit! Was not expecting that. It's this happy song with a little girl talking about how great her dad is because he's a cop and everything is fine and dandy. BUT THEN HIS HEAD EXPLODES. BAM!
6:09
Now the police are at a stake out. Some criminal locked himself in an abandon building and is chowing down on a victim. Meanwhile some girl is cutting her wrists repeatedly as the criminal goes crazy with a dancing chainsaw (Leatherface style) as the police enter the building. Too much is going on right now I can't type and watch.
6:11
Pow pow pow. End of Leatherace. The cops literally shot off his arm but thought he might survive so they continued to shoot for a good 15 seconds after the fact. They should of kept shooting longer because he just shoved his chainsaw into his bloody stump and then attacks the cops, cutting off heads. Until the girl (maybe the wrist cutter) comes out of no where like some super hero and battles Leatherface.
6:13
So much blood! I'm pretty sure your body does not have that much blood in it. Also how does she have no blood on her clothes? It's literally a waterfall of bloodshed and she is perfectly clean.
6:16
She ends up taking the body to some hunchbacked metal eye patch guy. I have no idea why. Apparently its to prove weather the killer is an "engineer" or not. Engineers are killers that have a tumor that makes them ruthless animal like killers who can turn their injuries into weapons (hence the chainsaw hand) and the only way to kill them is to hack them apart.
6:18
Turns out this superhero lady is part of the privatized police force.
6:20
The bartender just wasted all her groceries in a flashback to shoo off some punk kids from annoying/hurting our leading lady. WHY WOULD SHE WASTE FOOD LIKE THAT?! They were in an alley you would think she would be able to find garbage or something else to throw at them.
6:23
I hope that's not some strange sex slave. It's starting to freak me out. A man in full armor is taking his "dog" for a walk in a hallway with no lights on (in a police force?) and his pet is some sort of person (maybe an engineer) with no limps that is crawling along. Turns out that this armored man is just there to surprise her for her birthday! All the other cops come out and join the celebration but she doesn't seem to happy (she remains quite emotionless).
6:25
Maybe she hates her birthday because her mother went crazy on her birthday when she was a child and sliced up her arm (the moms arm not the child).
6:26
What is this now. Some sort of brothel. Why does it seem in all these movies that the whores dress as school girls. Is this a thing?
6:29
Me thinks there is some new killer out there attacking prostitutes.
6:32
What's in the box?!?! Not Gweneth but close enough. It's the madam from earlier.
6:33
Guess the leading lady while have to disguise herself as a prostitute to try and hunt down this engineer. Also what's with all the suicide adds? Did they make it to America. Does anyone else remember when wrist cutting was the cool thing to do?
6:35
MTA - Mothafu*kas Touching my Ass
6:36
She cuts off his hands for molestation. At least this time she an umbrella with her to protect herself from the fountain of blood erupting from his new bloody stumps.
6:40
So I think she just came face to face with the man/engineer that killed her farther. She is kind of shocked or possibly drugged though and can't seem to walk straight anymore (all that orange juice made her drunk). But she does find another box with another body in it.
6:43
It's kind of funny that neither of these people even thinks about carrying a gun. Nope just swords, daggers, and other weapons but no guns. Ooo. She just nicked him. But then goes at starts pulling at it making it worse and shooting blood everywhere. She can't avoid it this time. FINALLY. She is covered in blood. and he is missing the skin from the top of his head. He shoved 2 pipes into his brain and is using it like a gun to shoot bits of brain(?) at her. It pins her to the wall. Does anyone else see how ridiculous this movie is?
6:47
Wait? Has she been an engineer this whole time or is that how you infect someone with the tumor? He used it like a key to open her cut up (but now healed) arm and then put it inside. But he said he wanted her to remember. What? Did I miss something.
6:52
Nice cell phone. What is this the 90's?
6:56
She is now looking for a Haruka who seems to have gotten a really bad boob job. Like the type of boob job where they cut off your nips, fill em up, and then staple them shut. Interesting. Also these cops remind me of Shredder, just so you have a visual.
6:58
Holy Crap. Some crazy man decides to shoot up little kids and for some reason they are blurring it. Must be another suicide add. Wait no, an add for the police. Ha the add ends with the kids kicking out the crazy's head like a soccer ball. What am I watching?
7:00
Bad boob job girl who we will call 69 because that seems to be tattooed on her ass, works at some strange nightclub where all the girls are disfigured. Well, I'm happy she found work after that surgery and didn't let it go to waste. Also she is one of the better looking disfigured girls because at least she doesn't have some eyeball in her mouth or Pinocchio nose.
7:02
Is that flesh chair breathing? It also seems to be peeing into a vampire's mouth. This is the strangest club I've ever seen for sure.
7:05
Oh oh. 69 seems to be working with braniac. Too bad the cop didn't know this before she was giving him a bj. She bit down a little too hard and it seems there was a lot of blood rushing to his umm... little head. MORE BLOOD. Braniac then drills into him (with an actual drill you perverts). The cop remembers that he has a gun (what a dummy) and tries to shoot Braniac but instead shoots 69 in half, which probably makes him feeling better about losing his manhood.
7:07
Too bad she seems to be an engineer to. She took an alligator head off the wall and connected it to her upper half and then went to kill the cop "you like being chewed on right?" Well at least she tried. He ended up killing her by grabbing his hand (that got chewed off) and putting the gun right into her alligator head. He was then able to pull the trigger by grabbing at a tendon and pulling that. Bye bye 69. However Braniac came and put a tumor (IT'S NOT A TUMOR) in him.
7:11
Man, the Japanese must really love making dicks into weapons. This cop engineer seems to have found a replacement for his bitten off penis. But don't ask me what it is. I just know he is killing all the cops with it. I think it's a gun. It's definitely firing off something and they're not blanks.
7:13
How come he got infected and went crazy and killed a bunch of people and grew a giant killing dick but she got infected and is perfectly fine. Does it not work the same on women?
7:18
She found Braniac and he tells her how he came about. Turns out it was Braniac's father that shot her father so that he could pay for Braniac to go to school to study genetic engineering and then go later to take the genetic make ups of Ed Gein, Charles Manson, and others to create the tumor that makes engineers. He injected himself with it first and then jumped off a building. When he awoke he found himself at the devil's doorstep and the devil gave him the key to infect others. He wants to team up with her now and kill the man that paid his father to kill her father. Who happens to be the chief of police and the man that gave her a cake on her birthday.
7:24
Instead she splits him in half. Guess that plan backfired on him. The police are in a panic after mighty dick killed half of them. They are rounding up everyone on the street and killing them whether or not they are engineers. It's up to one bad ass (possibly infected herself) girl to save them all. Also never trust a Shredder look a like.
7:28
There is so much random crazy killing going on I don't even have time to comment.
7:29
The chief's sex slave/toy seems to chowing down on him. Bartender girl just cut off a guys face with a broken bottle. 69 seems to be some sort of fem bot that sprays out acid milk. More police come and are about to rip apart bartender limb by limb by tying her up to four different cars. Meanwhile our hero returns to find all the destruction around her.
7:35
When hero girl sees her friend get ripped apart by the dump cops the tumor seems to finally ignite and she goes crazy on everyone. Also for some random reason there is a conehead. A black conehead. Hmmm. Not sure what to think about that.
7:39
What's the point of a rocket launcher that shoots fists? I would rather have a bazooka any day. Especially since she is able to deflect them with her animal hand tendon thinger that just fires the fists back at the hunchback guy.
7:42
I guess the chief wasn't being eating earlier. That must have been some other cop. Everything was happening so fast. Anyways time for them to fight. Except she has to get past his little pet first. But attached to the stumps are now swords. Interesting. Asians are into some pretty messed up stuff.
7:45
I feel bad for the pet actress. She is forced to wear this weird gimp gas mask thing the hole movie. Can you imagine calling your mom and being like i got a part in a movie! and then it comes out and you are some weird creature and you don't even see you're face. Awkward
7:46
Hero girl can somehow control the evil tumor inside her as long as she remembers that she is a police officer and she protects the people. Why can no one else control it?
7:49
I looked away for a second but I'm pretty sure this chief guy is using his blood spurts as a projector to fly around the room.
7:50
And salute with your animal hand. The hero girl will now patrol the streets with her sexy slave pet sidekick, who now has machines attached to her stubs. If I've learned anything from this movie, it's that we shouldn't privatize police forces. That and you can't seem to kill serial killers. Because Braniac was put back together by 69 and out gallivanting the streets.
7:53
"MORE GORE COMING SOON"
No comments:
Post a Comment