1 min:
Judging by the soundtrack and "evil" laughter, I can tell this is going to be a horrible 80's movie. And I can't wait. Let the ridiculousness begin! Oh my god. There is a Killer Klowns theme song?!?! I want to download it now.
2 min:
Why is the Dean from Animal House in this? Is he going to put anyone on double secret probation. Maybe some Klowns spelled with a K. He is a cop so it just might happen.
3 min:
"We'll give you a stick and you give it a lick" Oh boy these clowns sure know how to sell ice cream. Can I add that to my #outtacontext?
4 min:
The ice cream men are apparently trying to impress their "plus size" dates by going to the make out spot and parking. But they aren't those kind of girls. They are just the kind of girls to hang out in an ice cream truck because they were promised all the Popsicles they can suck.
6 min:
"Don't you want to finish our champagne?" "Take it with us" yeah haven't you heard of road drinks? Anyways a couple out at make out spot saw a strange comment land just over the hill and decide to go and find it. An old hick also saw it and thinking it was Halley's comet also went looking for it. But just found a circus tent, which got him really excited because he's never seen a circus before. Just one problem. He can't find the ticket window. Meanwhile the Klowns kidnap his dog. Now why would you kidnap an innocent dog? And why doesn't he try just picking up the tent and walking in, especially after he learns his dog is missing.
9 min:
Never mind he tries tearing apart the tent by grabbing the wire that clearly looks like an electrical wire and gets shocked. Then killed by a... you guessed it... Killer Klown from Outer Space.
11 min:
Well, I can tell now that the Dean is still Mr. No Fun.
13 min:
Oh boy looks like someone is afraid of clowns. The girl in the couple sees the tent and thinks its weird and doesn't want to go any closer. But obviously the guy is going to drag into her impending death.
15 min:
Is he a killer klown. How does he know the password to get through their door. Anyways it took them this long to realize it was not a circus tent at all. But they can't seem to figure out what it is. Except the girl seems to know that the shooting star from earlier has something to do with what they are in at the moment.
16 min:
Ha. They go through another door and instead of being inside a meat locker they find themselves surrounded by cotton candy hanging from meat hooks. The guy is still looking for a reasonable explanation and when they investigate the cotton candy they find a dead body inside. Gotta keep em sweet right?
18 min:
Oh no. Watch out! He has a popcorn gun. Those things can do real damage. Maybe it will turn them into plants and then goblins will come and eat them.
19 min:
Jesus Christ. I feel my mind melting. They manage to get out of the tent but one of the clowns makes a balloon animal dog that follows their popcorn flavored scent. Luckily they make it to the car in time and run over the clowns. But I don't think these clowns or should I say Klowns will die that easily. Maybe poison their cotton candy? These Klowns are pissed and are now going to invade the local town that's only 5 miles away.
21 min:
Play it cool Klown. Just keep strutting down the street like nothing is wrong. Make friends with an animatronic gorilla. Keep cool.
23 min:
"Killer Klowns from Outer Space. Shit" Thank you Dean for clarifying everything.
25 min:
Just walking home in the middle of night. Gonna stop and watch this creepy ass puppet show. Nothing strange about that. I will say one thing though. The Klown has a pretty epic laugh.
26 min:
I'm not exactly sure what this Klown is looking for in the drug store but he sure is making a mess. Clean up on isle 3-7!
27 min:
What am I watching. Some dumb blonde opens in the door wearing a nightie and there's a clown holding pizza. She doesn't even questions it. Hmm pizza. She seems excited until 4 more clowns come and wrap her in cotton candy.
29 min:
Are they looking for popcorn? I still have no idea what they are looking for. Silly string maybe? They seem to be having fun with shaving cream.
30 min:
Okay plot update. The couple goes to the police to talk to the young officer who use to date the girl - name is Debbie. The cop still wants to date Debbie but when he hears their crazy tale of cotton candy bodies he doesn't believe them for a second. He drops Debbie off and makes the guy show him where the tent was. When they get there the tent is gone and the cop arrests the new boyfriend. Meanwhile the clowns continue to candify people.
32 min:
A biker gets angry the clown won't let him ride his little motorcycle. So he stomps all over it. The clown gets angry and puts on his gloves, eventually he "knocks his block off".
35 min:
The cop drives to the make out point where all the cars are deserted and covered in cotton candy. Maybe now he will start to believe their crazy story. Or just get hungry and grab a snack.
37 min:
There's nothing funnier than a gun magazine. At least according to the Dean.
38 mins:
Some guy just got ran off the road by a clown on an imaginary car? I'm not really sure how that works. Meanwhile Debbie decides to take a shower to get ride of that popcorn smell I guess. But the popcorn is moving. It's alive!!!
42 min:
I'm surprised no one in this town is afraid of clowns. Do you know how many friends I have that are terrified of them. But all these people love them. That is until they die.
44 min:
What!?! How did that clowns shadow puppets eat a whole group of people? Must be that alien clown technology. At least we're halfway through the movie. So dumb.
47 min:
"There are clowns killing people" "what do you want us to do about it we need to sell ice cream" "Look we have to save Debbie I have a feeling something bad is going to happen to her" "Does she have roommates" "Yeah 2 roommates" "2 roommates" "2 beautiful roommates with big boobs" "Do they like ice cream?". Can I meet the writer of this and just ask how he managed to actually get this made?
49 min:
The Dean just got squirted in the face by a flower from a clown and it didn't melt his face off. What you getting at clown?
54 min:
Oh boy. The clowns made the Dean and dummy so they can communicate with people. Kind of like the aliens in Independence Day. But not really.
55 min:
If you were beginning to wonder how you would kill one of these killer klowns, I just found out the answer. You shoot at their red noses. Maybe that's where their brains are because they don't seem that bright.
57 min:
Man this movie is dumb. The clowns are having a death parade to collect all their cotton candy bodies. Ughhh when will it end.
60 min:
If you were wondering what happened to Debbie, the popcorn turned into killer klown heads (yup just heads) that tried attacking her. But she was able to fend them off with her hairspray. I don't know why but these clowns really want to take Debbie alive. They trap her in a giant balloon and take her away. Maybe they are hoping to make half breeds or something. Anyways Mike (the boyfriend) and the ex boyfriend cop both see her being taken away by the clowns and follow them.
62 min:
"I don't know where they went" as they drive toward a giant circus tent in the middle of an amusement park. What a bunch of dummies.
63 min:
Man this movie is using every clown cliche there is. Cotton candy. Popcorn. Red noses. Pies. Clown cars. Small bikes. Spraying flowers. Seriously how did this movie get made?
68 min:
Can't do shit without your ball... pit. The two dumby ice cream men fall into a ball pit and when they manage to get ahold of their surroundings they see two girl clowns watching them. "Are you Debbie's roommates". God this is dumb.
71 min:
Why are they watching this clown eat the cotton candy... or more like suck it dry. Why don't they just kill him. They are so weird in this movie. If my town was being invaded by killer clowns and I knew how to stop them, I wouldn't sit back and watch them eat. That's just gross.
73 min:
Too bad these clowns can't seem to run in their clown shoes. Then they might actually pose a threat.
75 min:
Ugh! Another door! Kill me.
77 min:
Dummy ice cream boys to the rescue. Since their ice cream is clown theme and has a speaker. They convince the clowns that they are the great Jo-Jo and they have to listen to them. That is until the real clown leader shows up.
79 min:
I can't believe I am watching this sober. It would be sooo much better if I was drinking.
81 min:
The cop sacrifices himself so the couple can escape and when the police show up to help the tent/spaceship takes off back into outer space. Or is about to before the cop pops the head clowns nose. The tent explodes into fireworks and the only thing that makes it out is a clown car that contains the cop. How this is possible beats me. But how is any of this movie possible. Now Debbie just has to choose if she is going to be a one man woman or if the three can live happily together in a polyamorous relationship. Well actually they didn't really mention what was going to happen to the threesome but that might make a more interesting movie than this one. Thank god it was only 80 some minutes.
Rating: *
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