9. Spork

I had seen Spork once before, but my friend requested I do a review on it so here we are.  I didn’t really remember much about the movie, because I tend to forget a lot of about movies that I don’t like.  The only thing I could remember is that the titular character, Spork, is a hermaphrodite obsessed with The Wiz.  You read right, The Wiz not Wizard of Oz.  Anyway after watching it for a second time, here is the summary.

Spork (Savannah Stehlin) is a 14 year old hermaphrodite (don’t they usually fix that at birth).  She is pretty much a loser that has no friends or confidence.  One day she meets Chunk (like Chink but Chunk).  He tells her not to let people put her down and when they are being mean to just think of something that makes her happy.  Later in gym class, Betsy Byotch (Rachel G. Fox), the school bully, makes fun of her ding-a-ling.  So to retaliate, Spork throws a basketball at her face, breaking her nose.   Everyone starts congratulating her on finally sticking up for herself.  Her neighbor, Tootsie Roll (Sydney Park) decides they need to celebrate and takes her out to the club dancing, but Spork just sits in the corner.  Betsy, along with her minion Loosie Goosie (Oana Gregory), decide to sneak into the club to show him how its really done, but in the end just disgracing white girls everywhere with their dance moves.  Later, Tootsie Roll asks Spork if she wants to join her and her gang of hoes while they practice for the upcoming dance off (the winner gets $233).  Tootsie Roll wants to win the money in order to go visit her dad in prison.  Due to an unfortunate hair spray overdose, Tootise Roll slips on breaks her ankle.  Spork takes her home and later thinks she gets a message from her dead mom about a product that will make her beautiful so she can have friends (ironically priced at $233).  Spork decides to enter into the dance off so she can win the money and beat her nemesis. 

The movie wasn’t as bad as I remember it to be.  It’s a little over the top and tries to hard to be a female Napolean Dynamite with the whole we’re so quirky it’s funny.  But most of the time it wasn’t.  Spork reminded me of a mix between Alia Shawkat and Kristen Stewart.  Mostly Kristen Stewart when it comes to acting portraying the awkward girl that blinks too much and takes an eternity to spout out a simple sentence.  I don’t mean to be mean about awkward teenagers, but seriously.  How dumb do you have to be not to know when you have a friend or not.  The girl had one the whole time and was depressed because no one liked her.  Oooo to be an insecure teenager.  My favorite character by far was Chunk.  He seemed the most like a real person and had the funniest moments in the movie.  The set design was driving me crazy.  It looked like the late 80’s early 90’s but were making references to the late 90’s early 00’s.  Also where was this suppose to take place?  It could have been Idaho, it could have been L.A.  No idea.  I almost wonder if this movie would have been better as a musical.  It had enough moments where the story would just stop and there would be a random dance number.  It could have been like a cool, edgy, quirky High School Musical. 

Rating:  **

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VZ5TdPg5Xy8